how-souls-catch-fire
Well, I think everyone of us knows that on Social Media probably everyone’s life seems nearly flawless & I know that mine does too.
But right now I’m at a point in my life where I no longer feel like hiding my past, my story, a huge part of myself.
Maybe some of you still remember the blog I had (years ago), where I’ve been sharing my darker moments.
Depression. Bulimia Nervosa. Addictions. Mental illness.
I deleted the blog, because I didn’t want it to affect my life & my way as an artist. It took me some time to realize that this was bullshit.
I’m doing music to free my soul, I want to write & share songs to tell my story & to hopefully touch others who feel understood and connected by listening.
Releasing emotions & pain through my songs, melodies and words was always my way to keep myself up.
So now I recreated my blog.
Because I think it’s time to be honest with my feelings, towards others & especially towards myself!
It feels wrong to only share my coffee that I’m drinkin in the morning/ my cardio that I’m doin (to get in balance with my body) or just some of my photos that I’ve been taking.
Of course those few things are part of my life as well & I absolutely love what I’m doing every day!
I just want to show you that there’s a lot more hidden behind these things.
& so here we are..
For all of you who read this text but do not really understand what I’m talking about/ honestly do not want to understand it - thanks for reading it anyways! 💗 ————————————
For all of you who already feel connected, remember my old blog or feel like wanting to understand what I’m talking about, keep reading..
Honestly most days I’m just doin fine, other days I’m at a war with myself.
Those days I feel like screaming, bursting into tears, letting it all out - but I can’t. It’s all inside my head.
My only solution used to be collapsing into myself at night or vomiting my pain out - I mean literally.
But after some time I realized that this was not going to work out any longer. I’ve been searching for hundreds of methods to make those demons inside of my head disappear.
- To me ‘demons’ are all of the deep emotions & negative thoughts you can’t get rid of, no matter what you’re trying to do - just like another ones voice that you have no control over -
I’ve been in therapy for a long long time and it truly helped me to learn how to deal with my emotions, without completely destroying myself.
Now, some years later, I would call myself healthy.
But to be honest, even if I’m not having an urgent mental disease right now - I am still myself. With all of my sensitiveness, the deep emotions, pain & thoughts, seeking for secureness everywhere that I go.
Not having a relapse can be tough sometimes.
Being strong & fighting against addictions can be tough sometimes.
Not letting thoughts of depression get control over your head can be f*ckin tough sometimes.
It’s truly not an easy way, but I’m so sure it’s definitely so worth going it & fighting against those demons.
‘Cause every single day that I pass without drowning in my mind too deeply doesn’t just feel like surviving, it’s living.
And I’m aiming to learn how to control & use those demons inside of me, to survive. to get in peace with myself & my own life.
Embracing my inner darkness with my art & touching others souls with it.
People use to say “There’s no right way - just do it your way”
..Sharing my story with you - from now on - will be a part of my way & maybe there are some of you who may feel understood or less alone by reading the words that I write. And hopefully sometime some of you can understand me a little better piece by piece, word by word.
To whoever read this whole thing, thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
Love, Anna
(For me it feels better to express my feelings in english, but I will upload a german version of this text as well.. ♥️)
